Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I could fuck to npr.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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