I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
