Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
