What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
