he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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