This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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