well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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