I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
