I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
