I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
