I don't think brook has ever known best
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
