a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
