sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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