Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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