I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
