Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
