woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
