i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
