why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
