my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
