She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
