brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
