I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
