just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
