honey bunches of taint.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
