i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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