i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
