i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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