I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
