ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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