I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
