Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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