This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
