he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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