so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
