I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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