He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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