He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
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