I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
