Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
