You can't special order awesome
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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