Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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