I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
