PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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