im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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