Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My bed smells like the plague
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize