how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
