What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
