Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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