So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
