I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
