I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
