im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
