mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Enjoy the penises
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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