i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
