1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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