And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
