My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
