porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize