I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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