Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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