Got a toothbrush?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
