I want to make a zoo with you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
