And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
