In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
