Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
